R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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