dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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