I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
