Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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