i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
