So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
