Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
