well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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