theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
