Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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