I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
