I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
