TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
