I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
