I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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