New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
