Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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