Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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