I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
