I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
