In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
