if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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