Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
