There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
