new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
they need to just BURY HIM!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
