Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
