its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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