Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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