What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
