Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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