my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
