It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Can you bring me the toilet please
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
