oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
