I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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