She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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