last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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