i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
either way he was missing a nipple.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
