Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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