Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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