It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
