Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
