Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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