Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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