I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
