I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
