There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
