Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
