There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
