Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he had hair everywhere except his balls
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
