I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
