Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
