I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
