i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
