ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
